You sound like a knock off Canibus who doesn't know what the words actually mean you just use them.
sure didn't see that coming...but at least you paying attention to the bars...thANKH you for that...peace...
If i may offer my 2cents.
Didn't click on the fb link but i read your text rhymes.
It comes off like your trying real hard to be poetic, lyrical and trying to do some esoteric references- but the execution is really really REALLY mediocre, raps come off directionless and random instead of a fluid stream of consciousness ( I'm assuming thats the approach you're going for because thats what it seems you're striving towards with how you wrote it).
Other thing is like near 3/4ths of the rhymes seems silly af with how you wrote it, like you stuck with whatever words came 1st just for the sake of rhyming without putting real effort/thought into it as a whole.
-Examples-
"Telekinetically feed myself cheese puffs
As I take another puff of that fluffy green stuff
On the mic I am nice as fuck, I don't fuck with dumbfucks
I dont drink coffee...I walk around with a mean mug"
-The 1st 3 lines sounds like some drunk af guy on the corner would spit freestyling. 1st lines are what suppose to grab you/the listener/audience if its wack do you think thats a incentive for people to commit listening to 3 more lines after that?
If they get to the next 3 lines after that they already will have a biased judgment against you and prob gonna shit on everything else- even if you have some dope shit a minute later. One things for sure they won't check for you any further with what you do.
Sidetone: if that 4th line is suppose to be what you consider a "punchline", never attempt it again. Almost sounds like the other half of a Laffy Taffy joke on the wrapper.
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"Use to hit the snooze on the clock, now i'm awakened
Limit the use of pork eventho i still love bacon
Ridding my temple of a parasitic invasion
Applied spiritual Neosporin to heal from past abrasions"
Idk bruh, one could surmise that you're trying to troll the trolls(especially with you putting Troll in this and your other thread title) and is possibly purposely writing like that. I'm just sayin'.
I like modding because it gives me the illusion I have control.
Yo...seriously...I really do appreciate all of your thoughts and opinions...both favorable and unfavorable...all of this is helping me get thru my lack of confidence in mycellf...I be sensitive about my shit...I write everyday...but due to sacrifices for my 3 children...it has been frustrating with all of my funds going to them and no one around to give a damn enough to offer constructive if any statements at all on my work...this may not seem like much to y'all but it helps me...thANKH you...I know right now I'm just a drop in the ocean...hopefully one day I will be considered a tidal wave...peace...
Yo! This dude melaknight.... I don't think I can pronounce that right.
I can tell you the type of bitch to tap befor they even announce the fight.
After I'm done battling you, I'll battle your kids.
You're like 50 years old dude and still aren't confident about your raps.
And you damn sure aint competent enough to be anyones fuckin dad.
Hows a man gonna raise his kids if he can't even raise his dick?
You stupid gay prick.
If they were my kids they'd have the burner in their clothes
While they still had boogers in their nose
Because as a father you never rose up
So how how do u expect your stupid ass children to ever grow up.
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