# 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

[712-432-1798]

i be shakin up the room
changin up the mood
criticizin written rhymes
when its time to
they aint sayin nothing new
i cant
pull him up to my level
so im a leave gutter
hangin from the roof

and even i could
use a extra push but
its never good enough
the big stage is a
pressure cooker bruh
you know what this is like?
the boston marathon
cuzz im plannin to blow up
when im finishing lines

all my performances
moments in history
sold out
so many cities
put on the
show of the century
it could be
totally empty
im still attendin and tearin up like kobe achilles

lil man hatin hard
my fanbase large
country ass nigga
wanna flip
my name huh?
all headshots
when i flip
mine aim high
get ya top blew like a damn maynaise jar

i got a specialized repertoire
of sterilized bars
that make clean incision marks
when i remark
im tearin out a severed heart
gutta flow
wont lead
nowhere but
the carolina reservoir

sparkin up medical
and pullin out pistols
hard to tell
when im on
bullshit with you
already willin and able
to palm
heavy steel and stain you
shooters in the field like django

what it do gutter?
i aint none of gotti
i dont like
hearin newcomers competin
on the mainboard
if battlin aint for em
im only givin gutter this work
cuzz i flooded the street
with brainstorms

my imagination retarded
nothin but
devastation and carnage
if i ever
have to make him a target
squeeze three hunna
rounds and
streetsweep gutta
like the sanitation department

[712-432-1798]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

c'mon yall give me somethin

i mean yeah im lookin for hiphop attention

but aint BARS the right way to go about gettin it?

am i wack or what?

[ericerty1]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

your wack. your boston line was wack , your set ups were wack, and your false sense of entitlement to some sort of superior lyricism makes you wack as possible. 2 out of ten .

[BiggieCalls]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

this is terrible. Genuinely terrible. Just stop. even my scheme I posted will have got better feedback and I've never written one before.

[r00k_is_rap]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

Honest critique? Sure, here it is....

Firstly, when you type out your bars you have to be more clear.

Make this your first dumb rhymes/
Then here comes the punch lines/

Break it down into bars...your cluster of works makes it hard to follow. Anyway, lets get into the lyrics.

"changin up the mood
criticizin written rhymes
when its time to
they aint sayin nothing new
i cant
pull him up to my level
so im a leave gutter
hangin from the roof"

-------------------

That's actually a good punch line. But the setups are half-assed. You literally just put words together that rhymed. Make your setup relevant. The best battlers have punchlines or dope wordplay in between their so-called "punches." So step up your writing as far as the setups. Especially in a text format - anyone decent will eat you up.

Want a simple example...you bar leading up to the punch could of been like
"I'll make it rain shots, when Im banging out the tool/
And leave this kid gutter, hanging from the roof/"

Not the most ingenius thing, but that's a decent example. "rain" "gutter" "hanging from roof" .. and its not just associative, it makes sense. So yeah, improve your setups. Lets move on.

------------

"and even i could
use a extra push but
its never good enough
the big stage is a
pressure cooker bruh
you know what this is like?
the boston marathon
cuzz im plannin to blow up
when i finish a line"

Im feeling the opening bars...but not for a battle. Lets be real, you want to attack this fool. Not talk about the big stage being a pressure cooker, etc. The final punch? Come on dog...its been used 3 times in recent battles. EXACTLY in those words. You gotta know the scene if you want to get in it. most people would call that a blatant bite...but you prolly were just under a cave for the past 3 weeks. Lets move on.

-----------------------

"all my performances
moments in history
sold out
so many cities
put on the
show of the century
it could be
totally empty
im still attendin and tearin up like kobe achilles"

Here is another self big-up. What I mean by that, is that you are saying how dope you are, but not dissing the opponent at all. Now alot of the gretas,m def incorporate this. In the same sentiment, if you are gunna do that, its GOTTA be dope. Talking about you sell out cities and such? Really? Come on homie... The punch itself, (the kobe one) was wasted on this bad scheme. Again, it goes back to your setups. You could of def built up lines that relate to kobe tearing his achilles better.

--------------------------

"lil man hatin hard
my fanbase large
country ass nigga
wanna flip
my name huh?
all headshots
when i flip
mine aim high
get ya top blew like a damn maynaise jar"

Hmmm. This right here? Good...but um...how can I say this....No homo? Can you imagine spitting that to a live crowd? "Get your top blew" ... So next time, pay attention, and phrase it differently. Again we go back to the setups. Fanbase, country, yata yata. You are just putting filler. Have lines that connect to the punch. What does fanbase and country have to do with shooting him?

-------------------------

[r00k_is_rap]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

i got a specialized repertoire
of sterilized bars
that make clean incision marks
when i remark
im tearin out a severed heart
gutta flow
wont lead
nowhere but
the carolina reservoir

This was actually decent. I can see your problem though...you just recently started doing multi-syllabics huh? Trying to OD on them. Pay more attention to the substance then making words rhyme.

------------------------------

sparkin up medical
and pullin out pistols
hard to tell
when im on
bullshit with you
already willin and able
to palm
heavy steel and stain you
shooters in the field like django

Decent punch, bad setups. Lazy writing.

------------------

what it do gutter?
i aint none of gotti
i dont like
hearin newcomers competin
on the mainboard
if battlin aint for em
im only givin gutter this work
cuzz i flooded the street
with brainstorms

Good lines. Keeper.

---------------------------

my imagination retarded
nothin but
devastation and carnage
if i ever
have to make him a target
squeeze three hunna
rounds and
streetsweep gutta
like the sanitation department

Nice as well. But again "imagination retarded, devastion and carnage" ... you are just rhyming to lead up to your punch.

--------------


In closing, step up your setups. Your punchlines are decent...but so is 90% of battle rappers. Write, as if you are performing. Where is wordplay? where are the double entendres, painting the picture? etc. You are just doing simile and metaphors..and only in your main punchline.

How to fix this? Write backwards. Think of that decent punch, Thats your last line. Now go backwords and relate the line above it to correlate. This will make you sort of push for punchline over punchline type shit.

Hope this helped.

Keep bangin~

[Brain]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

wtf

[larry word]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

no one in the boston marathon "finished a line" stop it 5

[ChoKonMiWang]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

structure brother.

[Clouds]

Re: # 16 BARS from the battle (vs) GUTTA # (all critiques are welcome)

moment in history/totally empty/kobe achilles

u must practice multi syllable rhymes young spitter