You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

    So I was driving down the interstate coming back from the fam when I got that serious fucking warning pain your shit gives you to let you know “shit finna get real”. I had literally nowhere to go and was afraid if I pulled off an exit that I would get behind cray Thanksgiving traffic, and if it’s gonna be how this shit is screaming at me it’s gonna be, we gonna be shittin more than once. So I decided the best decision at the time was to keep driving.

    So I’m gettin bout 30 minutes from the house and my asshole is literally pulsing trying to keep the muddy sewage contained. My heart is fucking racing at this point. I can’t shit myself because I got these sweet ass American Eagle pants my daddy bought me for an early Christmas present and it would be mad disrespectful to him and America. Then all of a sudden, my mind started racing like that hottie from Limitless.

    I started to run equations in my head on how I could release some of the pressure. I first thought about spitting out the window a few times to drain my body of some fluids so that the only way it could get it back was to take some of this swamp soup I’ve got boiling in me. Then I thought if I happened to spit on one of these broke fucks cars, I could get a lawsuit...then it really fucking hit me!!!

    I realized I hadn’t taken a piss since breakfast! If I pulled out this fat cock and laid her down in my Yeti cup, it would shrink my bladder and give my poo palace more room and time to brew. I really hated that I had to use my $59 Yeti cup, but all I had was empty Sprite, Dr Pepper, Sunkist, Mountain Dew, and 7up bottles and I knew my fat ass dick would get stuck in em like one of those chink finger traps.

    So I break out the ole Yeti, unzip my gorgeous cock and lay her down in it like a water hose in a swimming pool. We were at a standstill in traffic so it was the perfect opportunity because my truck is so big, the peasants couldn’t see me if I tinkled on my self. I started to put a little pressure on my bladder and then all fucking hell broke loose!!!

    I had shit myself instantly...I knew it was diarrhear too cus of how fast it came out...I tried to suck my butthole in to stop it but it just caused more to squirt out harder. Then somehow like a master fucking locksmith, the sludge racing out my ass unlocked my bladder and I was pissing myself also. So I knew at this point there was nothing I could fucking do but finish the job and live in shame for disrespecting not only my daddy, but America and the eagles..

    I take an exit and pull into the nearest McDonalds because I knew of how smelly the customers are there, that they wouldn’t recognize that I had shissed all over myself and would accept me as one of their own. I go straight to the bathroom and I’m getting some paper towels out when I hear someone in the handicap stall talking to himself. I didn’t pay no mind and headed back out to my truck.

    I start shoveling out the mound of gravy puddled in my seat throwing the towels in my old gym bag. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be thanks to my pee making the poo float to the top and not sink into my custom threaded TMT seat covers. I get the job done leaving just a feint trace of shit smell on the seat covers when all of a sudden this big fat downie looking African approaches me. It was Jobe Jacobs! (unknown as Clarke Reloaded).

    He stuttered out “whwhat happn” as I contemplated driving a knee straight through his Dracula’s peak for stealing my fucking oxygen. I decided to do the humane thing and let the poor bum die on his own like they do in those donation commercials. As I was getting back into my truck, he muttered “y..yo you gonna u use that??” pointing at my bag of chocolate milk covered towels. I decided to do the right thing and said “Here, you can use this as soap” as I tossed him the bag.

    He headed back into McDonalds bathroom and gave me a nice little wink as I drove out of his driveway

  • #2
    Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

    tl;dr ekelon shit himself.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

      fuck sakes what a joke
      .

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

        Thats what happens when you have too much fun at the nazi parties... it gets really anally down there
        Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded
        Originally posted by ekeanon
        I'm glad I got to witness your life
        Glad you got to be a part of the legacy :kanyehappy::colbertsalute:
        Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded
        White people are like cancer. But its funny how white people die from cancer... is that ironic or a sign from God? :kid:

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

          Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded View Post
          Thats what happens when you have too much fun at the nazi parties... it gets really anally down there
          I've been to plenty Nazi parties and this has never happened to me.

          Is Clarke subliminally telling everyone he gets raped by Nazis?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

            Originally posted by Moose View Post
            Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded View Post
            Thats what happens when you have too much fun at the nazi parties... it gets really anally down there
            I've been to plenty Nazi parties and this has never happened to me.

            Is Clarke subliminally telling everyone Ekelon gets raped by Nazis?
            Its only rape if you say no
            Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded
            Originally posted by ekeanon
            I'm glad I got to witness your life
            Glad you got to be a part of the legacy :kanyehappy::colbertsalute:
            Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded
            White people are like cancer. But its funny how white people die from cancer... is that ironic or a sign from God? :kid:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

              Hey look, Jobe is doing his adding shit to a quote shtick again!

              Sad

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

                i shit my pants at every nazi party tbh

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

                  I was at the party too and I did nah'see Moose getting raped.
                  The 40 dumping off'a Kurbz side
                  ...This is for my dead homies!!!...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

                    us klan members are against any nazi parties
                    Originally posted by HEISTBVA
                    ive never needed a pumpkin spice latte this much in my life

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: You ever had to shit so bad you couldn’t piss?

                      Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded View Post
                      Originally posted by Moose View Post
                      Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded View Post
                      Thats what happens when you have too much fun at the nazi parties... it gets really anally down there
                      I've been to plenty Nazi parties and this has never happened to me.

                      Is Clarke subliminally telling everyone Ekelon gets raped by Nazis?
                      Its only rape if you say no
                      Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded
                      Originally posted by ekeanon
                      I'm glad I got to witness your life
                      Glad you got to be a part of the legacy :kanyehappy::colbertsalute:
                      Originally posted by Clarke Reloaded
                      White people are like cancer. But its funny how white people die from cancer... is that ironic or a sign from God? :kid:

                      Comment

                      Top Active Users

                      Collapse

                      There are no top active users.

                      Unconfigured Ad Widget

                      Collapse
                      Working...
                      X