My first rap

[chronicRythm]

Hello all. I'm a musician so technical flow makes sense to me, but I've never really delved into the literary technique of rap. So if this is total trash, I apologize haha, because frankly I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I'd like some guidance.


Man you got me in attack mode. Spraying my ambition on you.
My flows switches while yours is so simple, you should call it Jack, yo.
I got the discipline of classical, with facts that you can't fathom so
I'll take a radical step back and I'll, treat you like a toddler on a tricycle.

I'll have you choking like you need some fucking Rolaids.
Yo flows so slow you'll have me dying, from old age.
I need a necromage, my pencil always wrecks the page.
I'll leave with your bitch cause I'm as cool as a snow day.

Now on to some real shit, how about this clash of an election?
A real shit show indeed, you see, dividing up our society.
What exactly is, you ask, political correctness? Some
savvy pseudo-scientific statistics to slash selection.

The conformity, I'm afraid, is gonna be the fucking death of us.
Bringing us so tight and close, til there's nothing left of us.
We all just need to chill out, smoke a j and relax.
Then maybe, just maybe our country won't get the ax.

[Llama]

Re: My first rap

I've seen this post across multiple sites... much of which you've received almost no help.

1st piece of advice: give to the community you expect from. If you dont give them shit, dont expect shit.

2nd piece of advice: Cypher sections of forums are wonderful places to expand your written potential. Sure, you'll receive no feedback, but you'll practice and move forward while being a contributing member of the forum, bringing us back to advice #1.

Advice number C: Starting a post with "My First Rap" gives me very little excitement to read it. Give your piece a title, and leave it up to me to read, and criticize.

[jdjohnson]

Re: My first rap

I think you should listen to more rap.

You need to study/learn about anything to be good at it.

Best of luck.

[Wreckless]

Re: My first rap

You suck.

[Feral Linguist]

Re: My first rap

Stopped reading at 'spraying my ambition on you'

I'll leave it up to you to decipher why....

[mdmunk]

Re: My first rap

^ because you in your capacity as linguist understand nuances of language, but in your capacity as regular moron your attention span couldn't hold out that long, much like your aspiring ambition to perform well in bed ...

[MENTION=33723]chronicRythm[/MENTION]:

Shit was good. You've got some brains, unlike the VAST percentage of all rappers across the board ... it's all about understanding the real knowledge of the world and presenting it seasoned with a little style and practice...... you've definetely got the jist of it .... let's battle yo

[thatzNash]

Re: My first rap

"Spraying my ambition on you" is the name of a peter north compilation

[thatzNash]

Re: My first rap

this shit is way too poetic and not rappy enough.

you say shit in your verse that no one would ever say in real life.

[WiggerDaDon]

Re: My first rap

Man you got me in attack mode. Spraying my ambition on you.

Pause

[Skandalouz]

Re: My first rap

You suck.

i cosign this review.

[Clerk Reloaded]

Re: My first rap

The beat was pretty dope imo.

[jdjohnson]

Re: My first rap

"Spraying my ambition on you" is the name of a peter north compilation